The first week, I couldn’t meditate at all.
Sitting with my mind meant sitting with the pain. Every quiet moment, the thoughts rushed in. Memories, questions, self-blame, longing. Meditation felt like torture.
But eventually, I needed tools. The nights were long. The rumination was exhausting. I couldn’t outthink my way through this.
Meditation didn’t fix the breakup. But it gave me ways to survive the waves of emotion until they became less overwhelming.
Why breakups are so hard
Heartbreak involves multiple simultaneous losses:
The person. Their presence, their affection, the future you imagined together.
Your identity. Part of you was defined by the relationship. That part has to reshape.
Your routines. Daily patterns that included them now have gaps.
Your sense of security. The relationship was a kind of home. Now you’re displaced.
Your narrative. The story of your life included them. That story needs rewriting.
All of this lands as grief. And grief is physical — your nervous system responds to relational loss like physical injury.
What helps (eventually)
Self-compassion practice
This was the most important practice for me after my breakup.
When the self-criticism came — “I should have known,” “I’m unlovable,” “I’ll never find someone” — I practised responding with compassion.
“This is really hard.” “Other people go through this too.” “What would I say to a friend in this situation?”
Placing a hand on my heart or chest while doing this. Feeling the warmth.
At first, it felt fake. The kind voice competed with the harsh one. But over time, the compassion started landing.
Feeling rather than thinking
Grief wants to be felt, not solved.
The mind tries to solve: “Why did this happen? What could I have done differently? Will I ever meet someone else?”
These questions have no satisfying answers. Thinking about them endlessly doesn’t help.
What helps is feeling the feeling. Where is the grief in your body? What does it feel like? Hollow? Heavy? Aching?
Stay with the sensation. Breathe around it. Let it be there without trying to think it away.
This sounds simple but was genuinely transformative. When I stopped trying to figure out the breakup and just felt the loss, something shifted.
Grounding during floods
When emotion floods — the kind where you can barely think — grounding helps.
Feel your feet on the floor. Feel the chair beneath you. Look around the room and name five things you can see.
This brings you back to present, to body, to now. The emotional flood still exists, but you’re not drowning in it.
Loving-kindness (carefully)
Loving-kindness meditation — wishing well for yourself and others — can be powerful for heartbreak.
But be careful with it. Sending loving-kindness to your ex might not feel right. Forcing it can feel harmful.
Start with yourself. “May I be happy. May I be healthy. May I be at peace.”
Maybe extend to people you feel purely positive about — friends, family, neutral strangers.
The ex can wait. Maybe forever. Don’t force practices that feel wrong.
What doesn’t help
Suppressing emotion
Trying to meditate past the grief. “I’ll focus so hard on my breath that I won’t feel the pain.”
This doesn’t work. The grief will find its way out. Suppression just delays and distorts it.
Spiritual bypassing
“Everything happens for a reason.” “This was meant to be.” “I should be grateful for the growth.”
Maybe someday these perspectives might feel true. Right now, they’re avoidance. Just feel what you feel.
Forcing forgiveness
Pressure to forgive before you’re ready. Forgiveness may come eventually, or may not. It can’t be forced on a timeline.
Meditation as distraction
Using meditation to escape the pain rather than be with it. Meditation should create space for what’s there, not help you avoid what’s there.
When you can’t sit
Sometimes formal sitting is impossible after a breakup. Too much energy, too much emotion, too much pain.
Walk instead. Moving meditation. Feel your feet, your legs, the air. Let the body discharge some of the activation while you stay present.
Cry. Crying is release. Let it happen. You can hold awareness while crying — observing the sobs, the physical convulsions, the tears. Sometimes that’s the meditation.
Write. Journaling before meditation can move some of the thoughts out of your head, making sitting more possible.
Shower. Feel the water, the temperature, the sensation. Present-moment awareness without the formal sit.
The waves
Grief comes in waves. Some days you feel almost okay. Other days, you’re on the floor.
Meditation doesn’t prevent the waves. It helps you surf them better.
When a wave hits:
- Recognise: “This is a grief wave.”
- Ground: Feel your body, the room around you.
- Allow: Let the emotion move through.
- Wait: Waves pass. This one will too.
Over time, the waves become less frequent and less intense. The intervals between them lengthen. You spend more time on stable ground.
AI meditation for heartbreak
What I appreciated about AI meditation during my breakup:
I could say exactly what I was dealing with. “I just went through a breakup. I’m struggling with grief and rumination.”
The session addressed that specifically. Self-compassion, feeling the feelings, grounding during floods, gentle imagery.
At InTheMoment, the AI adapts to your situation. Two free sessions per day. When you’re in the acute phase of heartbreak, having something that speaks to your actual experience feels better than generic relaxation content.
The long road
Heartbreak takes time to heal. Months, sometimes longer.
Meditation accelerates nothing. But it provides support along the way. A daily practice of self-care. Regular time for emotional processing. Skills for managing the difficult moments.
You won’t always feel like this. The pain diminishes. New possibilities emerge. The self that exists on the other side may be stronger, wiser, more compassionate.
Meditation can be part of that journey. One tool among many, but a useful one.
Going through heartbreak? Get started with two free sessions per day — tell us what you’re dealing with and receive meditation that meets you there.